| "Love Letter"
Dearest Chan,
I have never said this to anyone, and I will probably never say this to another person as long as I live (because I am not a bitter person), but I will now say it to you: I hate you. Not only did you dis me twice as a potential boyfriend, but you also dissed me two more times as a friend in general. Let me back up.
You pursued me. Yes, if you remember, you pursued me while you were going out with my friend's roommate. I did not know it at the time, but you were the one who broke his heart. I've never seen a big tough guy cry like a baby until then. I should have let your track record speak for itself. Instead, I allowed your charming ways to blindside me. You left me little notes on my car, and chocolates to let me know you were thinking of me on a daily basis.
I was fine with having you as a friend. After all, you're a good guy. Or so it seemed. But you pushed me into a relationship, which was fine, but when your phone calls stopped, I was taken aback. I confronted you, but you reassured me that nothing changed; that you were still after me. I believed you but continued on with a much more cynical stance. Then the calls stopped for a while again, and I finally wrote you off as a potential lover, and just accepted you as a friend.
But even that wasn't enough for you. You stopped talking to me completely, and I didn't see you for a few months. When I saw you again, you knew that I was upset over something. You tried to make me feel better, and once again I accepted you back into my life. Our communication stopped shortly thereafter, and I finally decided that as painful as it was, I would write you off my life completely.
I was fine, and finally got over it after a few months. I had gotten into a serious relationship which made me happy. Why, then would you come back into my life, only to pursue a relationship with not one, but two of my best friends? You made one of them happy, so I was happy for him. But then you screwed him over too.
I'm tired of defending you. I'm tired of making excuses and rationalizing your actions. Whether deliberate or not, you hurt people. But that's not why I hate you. Oh no. I don't hate you because you dissed me four times. I hate you because, even 5 years after the fact, you still crawl into my thoughts and manage to piss me off. I am not a bitter person and I hate myself for feeling this way. But I can't help it. You just have that much power, I suppose.
I wish you well and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Sincerely,
T |
